Joyce Kim
Why I'm Doing Mission Year
Hi everyone! I’m Joyce and I just graduated from UC San Diego w/a BA in Sociology. I’ll be participating in Mission Year, a year- long urban missions program. There are many reasons for my participation and I’ll briefly go through them here.
First, I believe that God has called me (and many others) to love his people. And while many other Christians travel to countries overseas to do this, my heart is passionate and convicted to love the very people who live in the same country as I do. Although I do not come from an affluent background or upbringing, the social and economic comforts I’ve had are nonetheless a privilege that many in America cannot and have not experienced.
As someone who claims to love a merciful, loving, and just God, I cannot continue to live life in my ignorance and deed-less faith. Mission Year is a perfect opportunity for me to explore and challenge my faith and love for God, for his people, and to be transformed by the relationships and lives of the people I will encounter.
I’m extremely fearful to embark on this “journey”; I recognize my limitations, fears, and insecurities all too well and at times can become immobilized by them. But I am also very very excited because I know (and have to believe) that God will transform me to love the way He does.
Please pray for me. I don’t even know exactly what I’m praying for sure I need some humility and boldness, and to always be in prayer before Mission Year begins. Thank you for your support, in whichever way you are helping me, and for being my friend!!
-Joyce Kim
About Mission Year
Mission Year is a year long urban ministry program focused on Christian service and discipleship. We take teams of young people, place them in an area of need, and help them to serve people and create community. We are committed to the command of Jesus to “love God and love people,” by placing the needs of our neighbors first and developing committed disciples of Christ with a heart for the poor. Learn more about our first year program…
Joyce Kim's Blog
it matters, a lot actually. / May 22, 01:10 PM
reading back on the few entries i’ve submitted to this forsaken blog, the content on most of my entries have been more or less about my asian american identity and not so much on my “mission year” experiences (but those are reserved for my newsletters so…if ya wanna know, give me your mailing address).
im easily embarrassed and so the couple of times i read back, i was a bit ashamed at the tone of my entries and at the questions which spontaneously arose from my emotions in that particular moment.
but now i can safely say that i am neither embarrassed nor regretful of what i chose to wrote, only because my identity as an asian am. woman has been integral to my year in atlanta. there are many reasons why “doing” mission year is difficult and challenging but one of the primary challenges i’ve faced since being here has been my status as the “perpetual foreigner” wherever i go. in atlanta the race dichotomy is very much black and white. coming in as something that doesn’t fit into either category has made me very self-conscious and aware of myself, in good ways but many times bad as well.
comments like “your english is pretty good”, to “y’all sisters?” (in reference to me and my asian am. teammate ann), and the perpetual stares i’ll get from both blacks and whites. to say that i’ve felt alone and put on display for people is an understatement. and while i’ve had to brush it off, i only do so in order to maintain some sort of sanity and for survival purposes. dwelling on these daily incidents would only drive me crazy, angry, and bitter.
for me, as a mission year team member, my ethnic identity matters because it is one more thing added on to an already stressful and challenging life out here. the feeling of exclusion is tiring and sad. but i’ve learned to be okay in voicing my thoughts and no, i do not think i overdo it or mention it too many times. and if you’re sick of it, then maybe it’s something you need to hear again.
Comment [2]
bittersweet homecoming / Dec 14, 03:20 PM
i think i’m about ready for christmas break, and i’m sure a lot of other mission year folks are as well.
it’s hard not to get distracted with thoughts about going back home, getting to wear sandals in 70 degree california weather, drinking soy chai lattes and eating mounds of sushi. oh yeah, seeing all my friends and family will be good too :)
but one thing i need to remind myself constantly is that this trip back home shouldn’t be seen as my “escape” from my life here. yeah, i’m blessed to have enough monies to catch a plane and leave for a couple weeks, but unfortunately my neighbors and homeless clients don’t get that choice to “escape” and have a relaxing few weeks.
seeing how much i am looking forward to going home, i realize how far i am from being this radical, social activist hippie free spirit unmaterialistic blah blah whatever that i think i am. it’s like, dang, i can’t even handle four months of this lifestyle without stressin’ and whining about going home.
but i thank God nonetheless for this opportunity to refresh and revitalize my spirit, and to return to Atlanta with a newfound sense of purpose and conviction.
Comment [2]
All Asian People Look The Same / Nov 14, 12:49 PM
i’m sorry that i’m using my mission year blog page as an “i’m upset so let me vent” page. but these things seem to happen whenever im at work and where a computer is accessible to me, and right now i just need to blow off some steam before i can talk to another human being with kindness and respect. i’d rather verbally thrash a computer than a person.
i was over at cafe 458, the sister program under Samaritan House (where i work). my other asian-american teammate Ann works there and i stopped by to say hello to her. im leaning against the counter, waiting for her while she was serving someone, when a white woman, who i presumed to be a volunteer, comes up to me and starts asking me about all these questions concerning the cafe’s operations.
i stare at her blankly, not really understanding why she’s talking to me or why she’s asking me all these specific questions. in mid-sentence she looks surprised, touches my arm and says, “oh! i’m sorry. i thought you were her” and she points to Ann.
walking back to my work, i was really upset and pissed off. first of all, Ann and I do NOT look ANYTHING alike. and secondly, she had been working with Ann all morning. did she bother to even carefully look at Ann? did she even remember Ann’s name? i understand that you’re only there for one day to volunteer—i dont expect her to know her weight and blood type. but come on! at least get her name and face straight! and for pete’s sakes Ann was wearing all black and had an apron on, while i was dressed in bright red and gray. WE DONT LOOK ALIKE AT ALL!!
to be completely honest, i think i was more upset because she was white. i’ve had a lot of african-americans ask me if Ann and I are sisters, related, blah blah and that only usually annoys me or makes me laugh. but i’m beginning to sense this intolerance i have for white people and being a lot harsher with them than with other racial groups. and that makes me wonder if im being racist/racially prejudice by expecting more from them bc they’re white. so does that mean i think white people are more educated than black people? that white people have had more exposure to diverse cultures than other racial groups?
if i’m assuming these things about white people, that implies that i’m assuming certain things about other racial groups that is probably degrading and patronizing.
i guess i’m no better. but im still upset. because all people, regardless of race, do not look alike. but somehow this concept seems more imposed on asian-americans than other groups. i dont know. someone let me know/correct me bc it’s frustrating to have to deal with this everyday.
Comment [3]
it hit hard / Oct 18, 02:28 PM
i never update this thing, and i dont know how everyone else is able to do all that they do plus write something new here. insane.
im not sure if anyone reads this but i just wanted to write/vent/get my thoughts out b/c im feeling a bit sad and upset at what happened to me this morning.
im usually okay in handling all the “asian” stereotypes and jokes thrown at me—people who arent used to asian people have their curiosities and assumptions. but today, it really hurt for some reason, and i think i’ll need more time to process what happened and my feelings in all this.
a client at my work wanted to come in during the program’s lunch hours. there’s a strict 11:30 to 1:00pm shutdown period for all the counselors here to step back and relax from a crazy busy morning. so this man wanted to come in and set his stuff away in our laundry room.
i told him he was lucky that i was new here and that he could. he then said quite audibly to the person next to him, “what did she say? was that even english?” he didnt have the balls to look at me when i asked him what it was that he said, and that yes, i could speak english quite well.
i dont know why people assume that if you’re asian, you cant speak a lick of english. and even if i couldnt speak it, or had a heavy accent accompanying my speech, that still doesnt give you the right to say stupid crap like that to me, especially since im here trying to assist you in your needs. it’s incredible to me that it’s still like this in the year 2007.
ive realized though that i make a conscious effort to annunciate my words, because i believe that people will take me more seriously if they hear me and cant detect any trace of an accent (which i can have if im nervous). and that makes me mad too. why the hell should that matter? so what if i have an accent? you cant treat me like a respectable human being? you have to assume that i cant understand you? i mean, why do i have to PROVE my “americanness” to people?
i’ll get over it. and the next time he does that to me, i will confront him and let him know that it is NOT cool to say things like that. i give him the dignity he deserves, i expect him to return that to me just bc im a HUMAN being like he is.
damn, im upset…
Comment [3]
Hotlanta, ATL hee hee hee~ / Jul 28, 03:57 AM
i woke up one morning a couple weeks back, and had this realization: im going to be “in” mission year for a year. one full year. not fall, winter, and spring quarters, but from 2007-2008. i’ve had knowledge of that fact, but to really ponder and try to grasp what i’ve gotten myself into was a bit nerve-racking for me. i dont regret my decision to go but it did shaken me up and helped me set my head on straight. no more day dreaming or glamorizing what my life will be like in that year.
as such, i have been trying to “spiritually” prep myself before i leave golden california, aka start talking to God more about what im going to do and to ask for his help on everything and anything. and really, not to sound corny or uber-christianesey but God has been speaking to me and confronting me with realities that i must face, not just for mission year but for the rest of my life, in terms of who he has called me to be. and i’ve been thinking a lot about my conviction and passion for social justice, what it means, what it looks like, and how i fit into it all.
and the one thing that i feel like God is trying to teach me and will continue to teach me this coming year is getting at the heart of Jesus and his ministry while he was here on earth. as i read over the miracle of Jesus healing a blind man, and then dining w/zaccheus in his home, one thing is obvious: upon contact, they received salvation. but looking into it more closely, i saw how intimate the contact between the sinner and Jesus was. he physically touched them, he focused his attention on them, and treated them not as outcasts, as undesirables, as dim witted fools, or as objects in need of his divine and merciful presence. his treatment was much more respectable, personable, and as those worthy to be in his presence even if they werent. in such a way, he restored them not only physically, socially, and spiritually, but he restored them as human beings, as real people with real emotions, life stories, worth merited to them simply because they were human just like the religious teachers or law-abiding Jews.
Jesus restored and saved the souls of people in his relationships with them. he didnt see them as merely souls to be saved, or pathetic beings that needed his pity. he spoke to them gently, with understanding, without flair or condescension, without pointing out that they were a mess, without making them feel condemned and guilty, that they werent just a number or a checklist he needed to complete for God. that is the key: relationship. we arent talking about hit-and-run evangelism, or patronizing sympathy. this is the real deal. this was about knowing the person, treating them like a person, and loving them in spite of what they had done. Jesus says the Father is our shepherd, and the shepherd knows his sheep, each and every one of them, and he knows them by name. i think God wants me to learn that the people i think need “ministering” to or need my help arent just concepts or numbers to be conquered for the Kingdom. it’s about recognizing them as who they are, as a person, just like me, and that any sort of ministry or evangelism begins when i humbly accept that i am just as sinful and unworthy of Christ’s love as they are, and to forge a relationship that strives to really love a person, for who he/she currently is, in spite of what he/she has done in the past, and that real Justice happens when they are restored as worthy and beautiful human beings by the love and grace of Christ.
my mom and sister tell me im very prickly (it’s hard to translate korean words into english ones…) aka im very very mean-streaked. and i willl be the first to admit that it doesnt take very much for a person to annoy me and get on my bad side. this is reality. what is also reality is that i’ve sort of saw mission year as a chance to minister to people i considered marginalized, in need of my help, aka concepts to be won over and helped. how conceited am i? who am i to believe that people in innercities need my sociology BA? my ucsd education? my christian upbringing? such condenscension is so ugly to me, and it’s the very thing i hate in other people. hypocritical, right? but that’s why im thankful that God is challenging me with these things. because im coming to grips with the reality that beggers on the street need to be treated as human beings too, and instead of walking away without even acknowledging their presence is so the opposite of what Jesus would have done. and in the same way, people who get on my nerves (aka children who “cry” but really just wail in their high-pitched voice without a single tear on their face) are to be seen and treated like people too. it’s too simply to say but it’s sums up what i’m trying to tap into: Jesus loves all of us, and all of “them”.
so, with those lessons still being learned and grappled with by me, i’d like to tell you guys that i will be going to the ATL (atlanta georgia for you non-pop cultured folks) for my mission year. i was a bit bummed bc i wanted initially to go to philly but i hear that atlanta’s a really fun city once you get adjusted. so, im excited to know that i have a definite place i’ll be going to, and it’ll be a lot easier for me to write ATL instead of mission year. yipee?
with that said, i still need some monies people! friends! loved ones! if you click that red button to the right, you can donate ooor write a check out to mission year (w/my number 07-0037 on the memo line) and send it to the address shown under the red button. my goal is to raise 6000 smackaroos before i leave for georgia and i dont think im anywhere near. so, please? help me? im sort of cyber-groveling right now. :( haha. but if you after prayerful consideration would like to donate, please do so!! and send me your address so i can add you to my newsletter mailing adress.
alrighty. it’s almost two am and i am beat. signing off.
