Man, how my life has changed. I realized something huge in myself this past week that I never had before. I thought that I had it been chasing Jesus since I committed myself to him 3 years ago. I thought that Jesus was the center of my life since I confessed His name. I love God and I love people, so God must be the center of my life right? Wrong.
Picture this. Millions of people around the world all seeking the same things like money, husband or wife, kids, family, notoriety, career, or all of the above. Normal right? Everyone wants the dream. A perfect Christian family. A perfect Christian job. The perfect amount of income so that everything can be sustained and enough can be given. People chase these things to the ends of Earth. I’ve seen people spend their entire college career in a textbook so they can get the perfect grade so that when they apply to medical, business, dental school, they can stand out. I’ve seen people sacrifice all they have and completely change themselves so that they can be acceptable for a boyfriend or girlfriend, so they can eventually be the perfect husband or wife. I like to picture all of these things as a big brown box. I have been chasing a big brown box. In fact, the majority of America (and perhaps the rest of the world) spend their entire lives chasing this big brown box. Everyone wants them. Most people get them, and the ones that do not feel like God has left them out.
I believe that God has some crazy unique plan for each of us. I like to picture what God has for each of us as a shiny crazy looking gem. He has a unique perfect route ordained to each of us and at the end of that route is this unique beautiful thing. I realized that when I have conditioned myself and molded myself to run the race towards the big brown box. I have lived in accordance to the reactions of others. I wanted to be wanted. That was my goal. That was my big brown box. Granted, I knew that God was the figuratively the center of my life, but in reality, there were so many things that I would not give up for His path. Recently, I thought about the things that I could live without. What if God’s unique plan for me resulted in me being single for the rest of my life? What if God’s unique plan does not include a college degree? What if God’s unique plan does not include having a family of my own? What if God’s unique plan has me standing alone? Could I accept that? I came to the reality that the way I had been living my life is not conducive to His plan. I needed a change.
The Rat Race had me trapped looking for a big brown box. The truth is, no one knows what is inside that big brown box. I may have spent my entire life looking for it, only to find it empty. I am newly committed to seeking God’s crazy beautiful unique gem.
Whew that was a long blog.
